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literature
Critique Our Thoughts
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Literature Text
I am a jailed brain.
I am instincts leftover like the pasta from last night.
I am a ghost of what remains of a great idea destroyed by thought.
I am whatever remains of sex and hunting and defecating in the woods.
I am bored.
I find fleeting release in gym class and video games,
Moments where I'm engaged for short bursts and want to keep the fight going.
In gym, the struggle to strut.
In games, the dream it's all real.
It might as well be.
No wonder your kid (which I have no love for) rises in the night to sit,
Skin flickering in front of the television,
And splatter the virtual heads of other 3am sons and daughters against the virtual walls, spilling the virtual blood of their virtual enemies.
No wonder fights break out over ultimate frisbee and primal eyes shoot daggers
At the deer-in-the-headlights gaze of the jerk
Who just slapped that floating spinning hope of ten points out of the air,
And fists ball up like armadillos or rolly pollies--digging nails into your palm, like Christ.
No wonder trees are climbed
And knees are scraped
And ants are touched by magnifying glasses.
And feet are stepped on
And toes are stubbed making them bleed out of the corners
Like ink seeping through the paper of young skin.
No wonder evolution regrets sending us thought and emotions
And letting us cry in exchange for the simple knowledge
Of how to use stone tools and build houses.
It sits in the bowels of the earth and listens to grunge music and grows out its hair.
And no wonder we're bored--nothing to satisfy our squidgy, fat bodies.
So what can you do?
I am instincts leftover like the pasta from last night.
I am a ghost of what remains of a great idea destroyed by thought.
I am whatever remains of sex and hunting and defecating in the woods.
I am bored.
I find fleeting release in gym class and video games,
Moments where I'm engaged for short bursts and want to keep the fight going.
In gym, the struggle to strut.
In games, the dream it's all real.
It might as well be.
No wonder your kid (which I have no love for) rises in the night to sit,
Skin flickering in front of the television,
And splatter the virtual heads of other 3am sons and daughters against the virtual walls, spilling the virtual blood of their virtual enemies.
No wonder fights break out over ultimate frisbee and primal eyes shoot daggers
At the deer-in-the-headlights gaze of the jerk
Who just slapped that floating spinning hope of ten points out of the air,
And fists ball up like armadillos or rolly pollies--digging nails into your palm, like Christ.
No wonder trees are climbed
And knees are scraped
And ants are touched by magnifying glasses.
And feet are stepped on
And toes are stubbed making them bleed out of the corners
Like ink seeping through the paper of young skin.
No wonder evolution regrets sending us thought and emotions
And letting us cry in exchange for the simple knowledge
Of how to use stone tools and build houses.
It sits in the bowels of the earth and listens to grunge music and grows out its hair.
And no wonder we're bored--nothing to satisfy our squidgy, fat bodies.
So what can you do?
Not sure if long poetry or weird essay.
Comments13
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god six days ago.. it took me that long to get back to this.
but anyways im gonna try to analyze and critique this.
when i read the whole thing through, the voice sounded like an american loner in high school. im curious.. is that true? i dont know about you but identifying the voice of the writer might be a good or bad skill. i have to think about that.
anyways, when you explained (if i am right) the way the human race, or just all life on this earth since you mentioned evoution, is falling apart and we've come to such a point that its a sick joke, i think you tried a bit too hard to make this next generation of americans or kids look the way you wanted them to. it sounded less objective and mostly biased. and it's not that im saying you have to be totally objective like this is journalism or something (because this is creative writing and there wasnt anything wrong with expressing yourself.)
for example: you wrote 'No wonder your kid (which I have no love for)...'
first thing which i consider a total mistake is not just that entire part but the part in the perentheses especially. thats a huge turn off to anyone who has kids and has the struggle of dealing with these kids.. there is just no understanding in it. in fact, when i said what kind of person i thought wrote this.. this is one of the big examples. just a hateful kid viewing his classmates and although he seeing something very wrong,he highly underestimates them. that comes across as arrogant.
this all wraps up my point on how this is far from an essay. it couldnt be a good one because it's pretty obvious that this world is relying more and more on technology and violence for recreation, so i dont see much insight or reason why i would ponder this information. and the biggest reason like i said is that this lacks objective thinking. although bias is in everything we say and everything we write. its mostly forcefed bias. and it could just be seen as a rant. there is no solution whatsoever. its just mocking the pathetic and then saying oh well at the end. but dont get me wrong, essays can be poetic and creative.
well that was my opinion on what i thougt this was and its overall content.
next i want to try to decipher this form and your logic.
as i see it: stanza one is the description of what pathetic creatures evolution has come to. the remains of all that is natural and human instincts. im thinking your overall dissertation is that gym class and video games are big causes to these 'no wonder' examples. which i think are basically saying that they are making our society brutal, overly competitive, unintelligent, vulgar, and unnatural (that might not be all, but those things stuck out most to me).
there is more to my ctique and analysis but my comp is about to die..
but anyways im gonna try to analyze and critique this.
when i read the whole thing through, the voice sounded like an american loner in high school. im curious.. is that true? i dont know about you but identifying the voice of the writer might be a good or bad skill. i have to think about that.
anyways, when you explained (if i am right) the way the human race, or just all life on this earth since you mentioned evoution, is falling apart and we've come to such a point that its a sick joke, i think you tried a bit too hard to make this next generation of americans or kids look the way you wanted them to. it sounded less objective and mostly biased. and it's not that im saying you have to be totally objective like this is journalism or something (because this is creative writing and there wasnt anything wrong with expressing yourself.)
for example: you wrote 'No wonder your kid (which I have no love for)...'
first thing which i consider a total mistake is not just that entire part but the part in the perentheses especially. thats a huge turn off to anyone who has kids and has the struggle of dealing with these kids.. there is just no understanding in it. in fact, when i said what kind of person i thought wrote this.. this is one of the big examples. just a hateful kid viewing his classmates and although he seeing something very wrong,he highly underestimates them. that comes across as arrogant.
this all wraps up my point on how this is far from an essay. it couldnt be a good one because it's pretty obvious that this world is relying more and more on technology and violence for recreation, so i dont see much insight or reason why i would ponder this information. and the biggest reason like i said is that this lacks objective thinking. although bias is in everything we say and everything we write. its mostly forcefed bias. and it could just be seen as a rant. there is no solution whatsoever. its just mocking the pathetic and then saying oh well at the end. but dont get me wrong, essays can be poetic and creative.
well that was my opinion on what i thougt this was and its overall content.
next i want to try to decipher this form and your logic.
as i see it: stanza one is the description of what pathetic creatures evolution has come to. the remains of all that is natural and human instincts. im thinking your overall dissertation is that gym class and video games are big causes to these 'no wonder' examples. which i think are basically saying that they are making our society brutal, overly competitive, unintelligent, vulgar, and unnatural (that might not be all, but those things stuck out most to me).
there is more to my ctique and analysis but my comp is about to die..